Tuesday, March 17, 2009
So tonight someone is eliminated from Dancing with the Stars, after 2 dances, here's my rankings of the "celebs"
1) LIL KIM - Of course she's my number one! She's my favorite!! Not only that, she can dance. She's done 2 different styles of dance and she did them well!! I love her, I love it! She's what the show is about, taking a celeb .. a REAL celeb .. who doesn't dance, and teaching them to dance. She's doing it. And she's doing it 'WAY BIG'!
2) GILLES NAKED GUY FROM SEX IN THE CITY - Come on, if he's a celeb, so am I! Just kidding. But he is no celeb. He is however a good dancer.
3) MAN-ARMS SHAWN - Olympic gymnast and now beefy dancer, Shawn is pretty good .. but she just doesn't excite me in any way.
4) DUMPED BACHELORETTE MELISSA - She is NO celebrity in any way, shape, or form. Instead of her ass they should have gotten NEW YORK! She took her dumping and made it into a fortune! This bitch also has dance training, no wonder shes one of the best dancers. I dont like her.
5) JEWEL'S RODEO HUSBAND - I dont know his name .. no one does. But he was pretty good on week 2. Maybe he can make up for the fact that his wife lost her footing when her snaggletooth weighed down her ankles.
6) HOLLY! - I just love the girls next door, and especially Holly. But she is just embarassing herself at this point. Hope it gets better.
7) KATHY GRIFFINS FATTY EX WHO INVENTED APPLE - Okay, hes obviously the worst dancer ... maybe (thats left for you Belinda), BUT he is obviously having the most fun. And he is fighting to stay in the competition. I think hes fun.
8) COUNTRY SINGER NO ONE HAS HEARD OF WHO IS MARRIED TO HIS PARTNER - Who the hell is this guy? Why should I care if he and his wife can dance. My office pool is there is a divorce before seasons end.
9) ITS COMPLICATED - Why yes, I am referring to Denise Richards. She is a hot mess in every level. And thankfully she's on this show so we can see another side of her craziness. She's not a good dancer, in any way. But please let her stay around to cry another week or two.
10) STEVE-O - I like Steve-O, but he's out of his league. And now he's injured. How can you staple your nuts to your asshole and not get hurt, yet rush to the hospital from a sommersault?
11) FOOTBALL PLAYER I DONT CARE ABOUT - I . dont. care.
12) BELINDA "THE CAMEL TOE" CARLISLE - She is just a slow droopy mess. Which does make her all that more entertaining. But that shimmering glimpse of her camel's toe at the end of her routine last night, is emblazened in my mind forever. You go girl! You suck ... But you go!
13) CAREER WAS OVER WHEN LIVING IN COLOR WAS CANCELED ALAN GRIER - Please go home. Youre not funny. Youre not good. Youre not a celeb anymore.
I predict that Belinda or Steve (either one .. you pick) are out tonight.