Sunday, February 1, 2009

Movie Review: My Bloody Valentine 3D

My Bloody Valentine: 3D

To all horror lovers - I think the movie for you has arrived. My Bloody Valentine 3D is a gory, cliche, jumpy, sexy, raw, nasty, mess. I say all of this in the highest of praise of course. When you go into a movie, a remake of a 70's slasher flick, which includes the phrase 3D in the title, you should know what you're in for. Besides the 3D effects, this film could be sprung right out of the 70's drive-in films. The plot is light, the acting is passable at best, the story has tons of holes, and the audience has tons of fun.

It's tough to even review such a film. I'll give a shot at the plot: In a tiny miners town, 10 years ago there was a massacre down in the Hanniger mines. 10 years later the town is afraid that the killer is back - even though he was dead and burried after his last rampage. What follows is a who-dunnit with a cast of characters that include Tom Hanniger (Jensen Akles), the heir to mines, his old flame Sara who is now married to the cocky town sherrif Axel. (Yes, his name is Axel). Then there's the old cops who hunted down the killer 10 years ago. There's also a naked girl who spends her entire screen time with shoes being the only item of clothing she wears (oh yes you straighties there is tons of vagina here for you). And there is a character who is billed as: Frank the Trucker. I think you get my drift.

But if you think for one second I am hating on this film, you are wrong. It is exactly what a horror fan (aka me) wants. I don't want long drawn out scenes about what is going on and why .. I want blood, gore, and mystery. And this film delivered on those promises. I am surprised Nicholas didn't throw up (note: he almost did) because this movie was extremely heavy on the gross stuff (which I secretly love). And the 3D only made things much more exciting. Although this wasn't as good as the experience I had seeing Beowulf in 3D, the popping eyeballs and blood which shot towards my face (plus the better company) made this much more fun. The only thing that could have improved the 3D is if it had actually been on an Imax .. I recommend for you to see this movie in 3D at an Imax .. if your only choice is to see it in 2D, I may recommend skipping it.

As a cheesy, gore-filled, horror romp this movie is damn near as good as it gets. Its laugh out loud gross, had me on the edge of my seat, and didn't disappoint in many ways. However if I gave it a perfect review, I would be slapped. It isn't a great film if you look at it as a critic. Its poorly written, poorly acted, yadda yadda yadda. Sometimes people take things too seriously. For what this was .. it was good. Throw your thinking cap out of the window for an hour and a half and enjoy!

*** out of *****

No comments: