Monday, December 1, 2008
Now that marriage seems to be over, Blake is going public with the fact that he has turned Amy into a drug junkie. He had a no-holds-barred interview with News of the World, and he said the following statements. You should probably read them all. It is heartbreaking, truly sad and honest.
“I dragged Amy into hard drugs. Before me all she touched with drink and a joint or 2. And without me there is no doubt that she would never have gone down that road. I ruined something beautiful. I got her addicted. Now I have to let her go to save her life. I am not abandoning her. I am doing this out of love."
"I have had to live with her addiction being my fault for the past year that I have been in prison and I have got so much remorse. I feel like killing myself. I feel like fucking dying."
“I made the biggest mistake of my life by taking heroin in front of her constantly. I introduced her to heroin, crack cocaine and self-harming. I would do drugs in front of her and just pass out, and finally she didn't want to sit around while her husband passed out, so she passed out with me. I feel more than guilty.”
"I am old enough to know better. Heroin and crack took hold of me and fucked me up. It made me not look out for the woman that I love more than anyone else in the world.”
“I was there when Amy suffered her first seizure. I still break down thinking about it. We had been taking drugs all day long — heroin and crack. We started early and finished late. We didn’t really think to stop. We both pushed things too much. I wanted to just disappear on drugs and not remember a thing. And while I was getting out of my head, I wasn’t thinking that I was taking somebody with me. Then my wife, who I love with all my heart and soul, just started shaking violently in front of me. I started crying and I lay her down in the recovery position. I cleared her airways to make sure she wasn’t choking. But her jaw was closed tight. I tried to stop her from biting her tongue when she was on the floor. It was heartbreaking, seeing someone you love more than yourself, someone you would die for, someone you would kill for on the floor shaking. When Amy came round she went hysterical and mad she didn't even know who I was. I will go to my grave with that picture of Amy asking me, ‘Who are you? Who are you?’ I told Amy, ‘I’m your husband’. I knew fucking then that I had ruined something beautiful. It was all my fault. It was the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my life.”
"I felt inadequate. I felt unworthy of Amy. I felt that she should be with some other pop star or film star. Not be with some little chav from Camden."
“I cut my arms after we fell out over doing too much drugs and losing sight of ourselves. I was just so sad of what I had introduced her too. Amy got really upset about seeing me bleeding. And because she’s loyal and fucked up over our love — like Romeo and Juliet — she cut her arms too. She said she didn't want me hurting alone, so she'd hurt with me."
“When I see pictures of Amy and the state she’s in it tears my heart out. I just want to pick her up and help her. Now the most dignified thing I can ever do in my life is to release somebody I love from my fucking grasp, from my clutches. I want to help her but I can’t — because I’m the man who caused it all. It scares me to death that I can’t fix Amy. But for her recovery I have to leave her alone. I will never stop wanting Amy and loving her and craving her. More than anything I am addicted to Amy. I will do anything for her — and that includes walking away. And if something bad happened to Amy, I would kill myself - No Question."
"I’m not interested in her money. I always offered to do a pre-nuptial agreement before we got married. And if Amy wants a divorce I’m not going to fight her for anything. It’s going to be the saddest day of my life. But it doesn’t matter if I turn up in the divorce court homeless and with no shoes on, I’m not taking a single penny off her."
"The papers are saying that I am dating Sophie, that Ive been cheating on Amy. She herself appears to be making out that she is my girlfriend. That’s total bollocks. She just seems to want to get her face in the papers. Sophie Schandorff means nothing to me and never has.”
"I’m clean now. Yes I’m off drugs. But I don’t deserve to be clean. I don’t deserve to be the one in rehab. Amy does. Amy deserves to be in here, getting clean, getting ready for a fresh start in life. I do not deserve to be in here when someone I love is suffering. I deserve to be in the fucking gutter. Even if I was strong enough to resist drugs — and I’m not — it’s a ticking timebomb. I accept that there is every horrible, horrible chance that I could be tempted to take drugs again if I went back to Amy."
"I’m distraught and can’t stop crying. I can’t believe that because of drugs I’m going to lose my soulmate."
"Without crack and heroin Amy would be making beautiful music and I would be doing my video production job and we’d both be so happy. But because of drugs it’s all gone.”
"My fantasy is that one day fate might bring us back together when Amy is clean. In an ideal world me and Amy would live together in a nice house with our two kids and all of this would be a distant fucking memory. That would be my dream."