Thursday, November 6, 2008

Daily Amy 2: 10 Ways to Comeback


The Washington Post has taken out a full page ad entitled:

10 Steps to Take Amy Winehouse from Train Wreck to Comeback Kid

and here are the steps:

1) This ones kind of obvious. Rehab - yes yes yes.

2) Enough already with the street brawling. We get it, you're a tough little bird. Now its time to behave.

3) About Blake. Seems to us he's been nothing but trouble for you -- let him get through his own treatment program and you through yours, then maybe we can work something out. Trust me, I watch "Intervention" religiously.

4) You actually have real talent. Something about that fact just makes it that much sadder to see you lower yourself to whackdoodle-of-the-month club. Keep singing!

5) Not to get too granular here, but the pink ballet slippers have got to go. Seriously. They were cute once. Maybe 18 months ago when they were new and unspoilt. Now they look like chum. Please dispose of them ASAP.

6) No more home movies. If I see one more clip of you manhandling baby mice, smoking crack (allegedly) or using racial slurs, I'm going to take that video camera and lock it up.

7) Speaking of animals. Until you've proven that you can keep yourself -- and all animals in your care -- safe and off drugs, it's probably a good idea to confine yourself to a stuffed animal or one of those cute Tamagotchi thingamajigs.

8) Put on some weight. It will make those impromptu seaside visits so much more photogenic.

9) It's time for a new look. When you're enough of a caricature to rival Sarah Palin for this year's most popular Halloween costume (but wait, there's more! And more!), it is time to enlist a stylist. Lose the signature bouffant (it's trite at this point) and the layer of grime. Perhaps a little deep pore cleansing from the spa fairy will help you emerge from that battered chrysalis a vibrant, new Amy (remember her?).

10) Use animosity (mine) for Gwyneth Paltrow to fuel your recovery. You only need look at today's brainless GOOP update to get you over that first bump and on the road to giving this wannabe Londoner a proper kick in the knickers.

---
This is pretty good.
One way or the other -- GET WELL AMY!

No comments: